Reality - Looking back

Age - it's complicated

I'm not an old person.  In fact, I'm still young.  I'm in what they call mid-life, and I'm not having any crisis.  However, I'm beginning to realize that I'm heading in one direction only.  Nobody can possibly head any other way, as we're not born old and getting younger as time passes by.  So in that manner I'm no different.  But I've always been young, it's kind of my thing!  And trust me, I'll stay young at heart for all eternity!  As for the rest, I'll just have to sit back and let time run its course.  I'm not a fan of fillings and other stuff that can help you turning into something you're not, so wrinkles and "floppy" skin are handled all naturally.  I don't use any expensive miracle creams, or follow any weird diets that can actually kill me.  No, I use simple night creams and day creams and body lotions and I exercise.  These things can't work wonders but they sure take me a long way.  Ok, I wish my boobs and my butt weren't quite so flat, but looking at many other people I feel blessed!  Anyway, my body decay is the vain part of aging, what it's really about is something else.

Parents always say their kids grow so fast.  And they do, I have two of them.  Seeing your children grow up also proves you're slowly but surely handing over life to the next generation.  My husband used to be the cable guy and I used to be the computer expert.  Now we cry out for help to our youngest every time we want to connect the apple TV or speed up the fiber net.  And if we need advice on interior decoration and fashion we check out the older one.  That is, I do.  The older child is our daughter and I'm really glad my husband doesn't take after her.  He'd look awful in a dress and high heels...

We had the baby days, we had the school days, we had the crazy teenage crises and we had the separation anxiety when the oldest baby moved out.  Her warm and welcoming room was empty one day when I came home from work.  All that was left was the bed, a chest of drawers, a curtain rod hanging in one screw and a bunch of dust kittens.  Her moving out was planned, but I didn't quite foresee the emptiness I'd feel inside, realizing she wasn't coming back.  I put a lamp in the window and cuddled up in her bed, missing her deeply.  And the kid's just a phone call away...  She's my friend, my partner in crime, my equal.  And upstairs there's the son, declaring it didn't take long for me to clean her out.  Just wait and see baby boy, one day I'll clean you out too!  Did I say that out loud?  I'll miss him just as deeply as I miss his sister.  My son is my cornerstone...

Not only the obvious signs of time passing make me realize I'm getting older.  There are other things I've started saying and doing.  For one thing I've become a slow driver.  Instead of aiming at passing every single vehicle on the highway, I often put myself in the right lane as I know that being in the left lane won't take me to point B any faster.  It just stresses me out.  However, I still curse the idiots that live a whole life without using the blinker!  And I've picked up expressions from my grandmother when I talk to or about children, a new compassion and empathy in my voice.  I sleep in front of the TV at 9 pm, sometimes I'm even in bed by then.  I can't see without my glasses and my hearing is getting worse, I need reminders for everything or I'll forget.  And it goes on...

We're starting to sit back and wonder what the H happened...  Where did those warm and cuddling toddlers go?  Where did my ass go?  Where did my husband's waist go?  Where did the wrinkles come from?  Parents, grandparents, family friends, friends from school, teachers, actors and artists, they die one by one.  Strange...  When we were young we took them for granted, some of them were younger then than we are now.  We carry a history, and we're just getting started...


Music:  "Time" and "Never Get Old" with David Bowie